Polishing the Helmsman
by Haxxer
Summary: Set after the final mission in ME2, attempt at a Fem!Shep/Joker romance. COMPLETE!
1. The Escape

This is but my first fanfiction, so reviews are most welcome! Rated M because the language and some lemon later on.

Please, please review! It is only _you_ keeps me going.

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**Chapter I - The Escape**

Thoughts raced through Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau's head as he paced through the Normandy's bridge.

_Will she make it? Why isn't she responding?_

"Jeff, there is a 78.23 percent chance that Shepard is dead" said EDI as her holographic sphere popped up. "Throwing our lives away will not save hers". He felt his legs creak of the pressure when walking, but he simply igorned it.

"NO! I'M NOT LEAVING SHEPARD!" Joker shouted angrily, "There is still time! She is alive! She must be!"

Her death two years ago was the hardest time of his life. Commander Shepard, the first human spectre and the savior of the galaxy, sacrificing her life to save his crippled ass. He never forgave himself and he was **not** letting her go again. He looked at his holographic display and saw the timer counting down;

_47…_

_46…_

_45…_

_

* * *

_

He felt his heart race as the adrenaline pumped through his veins. His trembling hand reached for his ear and pressed the button which allowed him to communicate with whoever was connected to their channel.

"Shepard, do you copy?", he asked. "Commander?"

The silence was agonizing. "Come on, Shepard, don't leave me hanging. Do you copy?"

The awful silence was interrupted by a well known voice. "I'm here Joker." She answered. "Did the ground team make it?"

He sat up straight, almost breaking his foot while doing so. He sighed and took a quick look around himself.

"All survivors on board, we're just waiting for you."

"Meet us at th-" she said before the channel was disrupted. Before the interruption, he heard the short horrifying sound of a seeker swarm in the background.

_Shit shit shiiit, _he thought as chills came down his spine.

"EDI, take us to the LZ, NOW!" he shouted while grabbing onto his Gorgon VI, "Open the airlock, I'm going outside to give some covering fire!"

"Jeff, it is not safe." EDI said with a hint of fear in her voice.

"I damn well know that it's not safe out there, but I'm not going to just sit on my ass while my commander gets shot to pieces!", he snapped. "Now unlock the damn door!" After a moment of silence the airlock unlocked.

"Very well Jeff." she said, "Be careful."

* * *

The airlock hissed when he stepped out of the decontamination chamber. His grip on the assault rifle tightened as he elevated the sight to his eye. He saw Mordin and Tali running up the hill in front of them in full speed. When the duo reached the airlock they both turned to look after Shepard, who was nowhere to be seen.

A loud scratching sound of metal against metal pierced his ears and just as he looked up, a giant metal beam came crashing down. The beam hit the platforms hard, sending a shockwave through the Normandy and creating a gap between the ship and the Collector's base.

"What the shiiit", he said under his breath as the shockwave sent him staggering. Just as he regained his balance, he saw Shepard sprinting at full speed towards them.

Everything slowed down. He could feel every superheated bullet exit the pipe of the rifle. He could hear his every heartbeat, his every breath. He could see every step Shepard took. He could see her blond hair swinging through the air. He saw Shepard take a final step and throw herself towards the open airlock.

_Oh shit_, he thought, _she's not going to make it!_

She flew through the air with her arms wailing as the cold air pressed against her damaged armor. About halfway, it appeared as if she wouldn't make it. But, she crashed into the edge of the ship with a loud thump, slipped, but managed to just barely hold on.

"TALI, HELP HER UP!" he yelled. The Quarian reacted instantly, helping her captain up to her feet. Shepard let out a groan of pain as she got up. The door closed behind them as Joker hurried to his seat, followed by Shepard.

EDI's voice echoed throughout the ship,"Detonation in ten, nine, eigh-"

Ignoring the pain, he sat down and maneuvered the ship 180 degrees to make their escape.

"Yeah, I got the gist EDI!" he said as he turned the thrusters to 100 percents capacity, "HOLD ON!"

Shepard's hand clenched hard against his shoulder as she braced for the detonation. EDI's voice echoed once again throughout the ship, with the final word:

_"Zero."_

_

* * *

_

"Come on baby, you can do it!", he said with his teeth clenched. "Don't let me down now…"

The ship started to shake violently, almost knocking Shepard off her feet.

"Approaching the Omega-4 Mass Relay", said EDI.

Without hesitation or fear, Shepard said "Hit it." Almost instantly, the ship stopped shaking and the viewport was filled with blue glow and accelerated. Out of nowhere, the Normandy SR-2 appeared in the Sahrabarik system and flew safely towards Omega.

Relieved, he let out a long sigh and carefully stood up from his chair. The adrenaline had worn off and now every part of his body arched. He let out a small grunt and turned around. He was taken off guard by a tight hug from Shepard, who was shaking and sobbing. Out of happiness? Pain? Her armor scraped against his soft skin and he winced a bit. She pressed her head against his shoulder and he carefully smelled her hair.

His mind went blank.

_What should I do?_

_Say something you idiot!_

_What should I say?_

_Something!_

"I-", he began, but was interrupted by Shepard's supple lips. The kiss had come right out of the blue, and his eyes flew wide open in surprise.

_So soft…_

What seemed like an eternity, Shepard pulled back and blushed. He closed his mouth when he realized that it was just as open as his eyes.

_Say something!_

"I- I should go…", she whispered and she turned to go. "Thanks for getting us out alive."

"No-", he started and looked up, but she was already on her way down to the CIC. "-problem."

_Good work idiot._

_

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_

...review_, please..?  
_


	2. The Pursuit

Ooh, another chapter!

I am sorry that I cannot complete this at this time. I'm just got dumped an awful lot of work in college and I need to finish some stuff there.

I will be back, I give you that ;)

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**Chapter II – The Pursuit**

Jeff Moreau sat casually in his leather seat on the bridge, checking and rechecking the systems even though they were docked. The crew had decided to stop at Omega for a while, and have a break in collector killing and to drop off some of the squad. Samara wanted to stay to '_do some cleaning_'. He wondered if Aria really would tolerate that, but Shepard did mention something about "_Don't fuck with Aria_". Nevertheless, Mordin wanted to check up on his clinic and his assistant and see how he was doing and he had returned shortly after with a big grin on his face.

_I never understood that Salarian,_ he thought and shook his head. _Always hyperactive and talking like a politician on coffee_.

Jack left the ship, even only three hours after the 'suicide mission' she got bored of just waiting. Zaeed also dropped out 'cause his contract with the commander was finished. Jeff shrugged, he never really liked the mercenary; he was too straight on, too aggressive. He preferred the calm and collected Jill Shepard.

_Shepard._

His thoughts came to her once again and their little 'meeting' four hours ago. He'd been thinking a lot ever since then. _Why him? Was it a mistake? Did she really have feelings for him?_ He sure did, ever since she put her first foot on the ship. Those intense blue eyes, the blonde silky hair he'd just smelled. He didn't fancy her only for her looks, but also her incredible charisma and her ability to talk almost anything down. He often found himself lost in her blue eyes, usually followed with awkward silence. He'd never been in any serious relationship because of his condition, so he got used to the loneliness and focused on the flight school instead. Look where it got him, onto one of the most advanced ships in the galaxy!

_It really __**did**__ pay off_, he thought and grinned while rechecking the internal systems.

"You have been up for 34 hours", EDI suddenly said, making him jump up from his seat in surprise.

"Shit EDI, don't you ever scare me like that again!", he exclaimed and leaned back into his, note, _leather_ seat while readjusting his cap.

"I am sorry", she apologized. "Humans are not built to be awake for extended periods".

"Okay, _mom!_", he sighed and checked the clock, showing 03:53. "Whatever, I'm hungry. I'm going down to the mess."

"Very well Jeff", EDI said, as her sphere disappeared.

* * *

He groaned and threw some angry looks at the bridge cameras. Slowly, Joker hauled himself from the seat and staggered towards the CIC. The upgrades Cerberus made to his legs really made things easier for him, but he still had problems getting around. The combat information center was empty; everyone was sleeping in their quarters. Joker didn't like sleeping in those bunks; they reminded him of his time in the escape pods after his escape from the first Normandy.

_Walls closing in, the agonizing silence, the life support systems kicking in, the sound of debris colliding with the pod. _

He shrugged and focused on getting down to the mess without any broken bones. As he passed the middle consoles, the holographic display of the Normandy popped up with a small click. The display put the entire section into a faint, orange light. His eyes narrowed instinctively, letting his eyes adjust to the sudden illumination. Joker examined the holographic Normandy as he passed, always marveled by the beauty of _his_ baby. When he reached the elevator, he pressed the button and the doors opened with a silent _'whoosh'_.

* * *

"Shit." he whispered as he poured some coffee into his mug. "I haven't thought about anything this much in ages". He sat down in the mess hall and stared into the darkness of the hot coffee. He closed his eyes and inhaled the warm air.

"Thought about what?" a calm voice behind him said suddenly. Joker whelped, turned around and saw Shepard standing behind him with a small smirk.

"What the shit, first EDI, now you too!", he sighed and turned his attention to the coffee again. "I don't... J-jill.." he whispered as he felt a hand on his shoulder. She took a seat next to him, keeping her hand on his shoulder. He turned his head and was welcomed by warm, deep, blue eyes. He collected himself and took a deep breath.

"I can't pretend like _that kiss_ didn't happen", he started. "You know, and I.. I've been thinking. L-look... Shit, I'm not good with this stuff..." His eyes remained locked in hers, suddenly feeling a wave of emotions wash over him. He could feel his eyes burning and tears running down his cheek.

"After you… You know… You _died_.", he managed to say, looking into her eyes. "I never forgave myself. I s-should have abandoned the god damn ship!". He looked away and cursed. He hit the table in front of him hard, almost spilling his coffee.

"Don't blame yourself…", she whispered in his ear, feeling her moist and warm breath against his neck as she moved closer to him. She put her hand on his trembling and clenching hand and soothed him. "I'm sorry for confusing you, I just…" she trailed off and put her forehead against his cheek, pressing lightly against his beard. He moved his hand slightly, feeling her hand. He pressed his cheeks against her forehead, carefully smelling her silky hair. "I was just so happy that I lived after the 'suicide mission', to see the crew again. To see _you_ again..."

_Me? Why me?_

_Stop asking yourself and ask her!_

Jill Shepard turned her head to face him again; looking deep into his eyes with understanding and comfort while she softly wiped away his tears from his cheeks. He swallowed hard, opened his mouth but before he managed to say anything she put her finger on his lips.

"Get some sleep Lieutenant." she whispered softly, "It's a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

He closed his mouth and looked away as his commander removed her hands. She cleared her throat and rose to her feet.

"That's an order." Jill said, looking at him with a soft smile on her face.

He sat in silence for a while, but eventually sighed. "Aye ma'am", Jeff said with a nod. Shepard took the elevator to her quarters while Joker finished his coffee, which had cooled off. Joker dragged himself to the crew's quarters and threw himself into one of the bunks. He landed with a soft '_thump_' and let out a long sigh. This time, his dreams were not of the time in the escape pods, but instead consisted of _deep blue eyes, soft voices and silky blonde hair…_

_

* * *

_

Yeah, I know, they're rather short. As said before, it's my first attempt ever and to test my capabilities. I just seem to empty my muse every time I write...

Enough whine from my side, and more from yours (aka **reviews**)! Thanks.


	3. The Relaxation

I'm REALLY sorry I haven't been able to write anything! I was really holed up at college recently, plus I kind of lost my muse. This chapter is rather long, at least longer than I expected. Enjoy! Unfortunately no lemon in this chapter. :(

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**Chapter III - The Relaxation  
**

Jeff Moreau slowly returned to the land of the living, still lying in his bed after being out for several hours. He felt like he slept for years, letting out a groan as he opened his eyes, only to see blurriness. Joker sat up and rubbed his two globes. _Christ, how long was I out? _he thought, slowly regained his sight as he looked around himself. Gabby and Donnelly sat near the table, looking at him with goofy faces.

"Morning sleepy!", Gabby said with a chuckle. "You look like a zombie."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." he growled. "What's the clock EDI?"

"Good morning Jeff" the soothing artificial voice said. "It is currently fifteen hundred. While you were sleeping, Commander Shepard asked me to set course for Illium."

"Wow, I was out for 12 hours? No wonder I feel like shit." he exclaimed while putting on his shoes. _Illium? Why? _he thought as he made his way out to the mess hall where Chakwas and Tali sat at the table while discussing something. Joker was too hungry to even listen, and his stomach grumbled in agreement. Gardner waved him over with a smile on his face and handed over something that looked like burned omelet.

"It's some fancy grub Mordin suggested!" he said proudly. "I guarantee your stomach will feel great afterward!"

"Thanks, I guess." Jeff said and smelled the warm mush on his plate. He ignored the weird odor and sat down and started shoving the food down his throat. It tasted like chicken for some reason. When he finished, he sat back, enjoying the feeling which was spreading throughout his body.

He made his way up to the CIC, meeting Kelly on his way up. _Does this psycho-doctor ever shut up? _Jeff ignored her and walked over to his, note, _leather_ seat and sat down whilst firing up his holo-display. He checked the systems and apparently everything seemed to be okay. The bridge lit up in a slight blue light. _Great, is anyone gonna stop bothering me?  
_

"Jeff, everything is under control." EDI said with a slight annoyance in her voice. "Do you doubt my capabilities?"

"No, no! I don't, it's just habit checking the systems." he explained. "Though, I just released you. Can't be too careful with the whole 'humans on their knees'-thing, you know..."

"Jeff, you know that was a joke."

"That was _also _a jok-"

"You two are like teenagers!" Shepard interrupted and laughed as she made her way up to him. "Do you ever stop picking on each other?"

"Right, shutting up now, commander." Joker said as he held up his hands defensively. He checked their location and said "Just so you know, ETA to Illium one hour. But commander, why Illium?"

"I figured everyone needed a break after these collector chases, so we're gonna take a shore-leave for a couple of days. Everyone has earned it." Jill said proudly, looking out the viewport.

"Well then, have fun you guys..." he sighed as he turned his seat, reminded himself of his fragile body.

"I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to come with us." Shepard said and laughed. "The best god damn pilot in the galaxy not wanting any shore leave? My ass."

"Well, okay, but I might need some help with my legs and you know..."

"No problem, you've _also_ earned it." she said and winked.

* * *

The thin air of Nos Astra hit him like a punch in the face, but he slowly adapted to the change of air pressure. _How long was it since I was outside this ship, except the collector base?_ he thought. The team, except for Legion, gathered up outside the airlock and proceeded together. Joker gasped when he saw the height of the skyscrapers around them. _Skyscrapers literally,_ he thought. Though he wasn't afraid of heights, he _thought_ anyway, standing on the floor looking down from the massive building he was standing on, he couldn't help the yelp emitting from his throat. The group laughed and mocked him as they made their way along the walkway.

"The great Jeff Moreau of the Normandy, _afraid of heights_?"

Thane had volunteered to help him walk and Joker nodded his thanks and let the assassin help him. _Anything is better than a fast-talking half-crazy scientist or a stuck-up Cerberus soldier, _he thought and shrugged. Still baffled by the beauty, _and height_, of the city he dropped his jaw when he saw the Dantius Towers.

"Shepard, you were up _there?_" he said and pointed.

"Yeah, we had to cross the bridge connecting the two towers." she laughed. "It was real windy up there."

Shepard split up with the rest of the group when they reached Liara's office, saying she had some business to finish up. He knew they had been in a relationship before, maybe she planned telling her about their success? He knew it was pretty much over between them, but he couldn't help feeling a sting of jealousy.

_

* * *

_

The night slowly engulfed the ever-so-alive city and the group of eight cheered loudly as Shepard finally arrived through the bar's door. Everyone stood up, except for Joker and made a toast for their brilliant commander, or battle master in Grunt's case. She lit up with a large smile on her face and ran over to them.

"You guys started without me! No fair!" she exclaimed, looking hurt. "Now Grunt will win the dinking contest!"

"You'll never stand a chance anyway Shepard!" Grunt laughed, pouring the remaining Ryncol into his giant mouth. The rest of the evening was filled with laughs and stories from everyone. Even Mordin relaxed and at everyone's amazement he even sung 'Scientist Salarian' making everyone in the bar cheer for him. Motivated, he sang several songs. _Yep, that's it. He's _definitely_ crazy._

When the cerberus personnel started to leave the bar Grunt suddenly rose his glass and roared:

"For my battlemaster!"

"Indeed, for Siha." Thane said quietly, still looking down at the floor.

"For the migrant fleet!" Tali said and rose her glass, even though she couldn't drink directly out of it.

"For the Alliance!" Jacob laughed as Garrus almost fell over in his drunken haze.

"For the Galaxy." Miranda and Mordin said in union.

"For the end of the Reapers!" Garrus exclaimed drunkenly, still trying to stand upright.

"For love" Joker said, taking everyone by surprise. Everyone looked at him, while mumbling to each other. "What? You all obviously _love_ me!" he exclaimed sarcastically, and laughing ensued. When Shepard slowly stood up everyone silenced. She looked proudly at her crew and yelled:

"For _us!_"

Everyone cheered in union as they poured the remnant alcohol down their throat.

* * *

_I'm _so_ going to have a hangover tomorrow, _Joker thought as the stumbling group made their way back to the Normandy. Garrus however had to support himself on Grunt, much at his amusement, as he almost fell over several times. Thane didn't look drunk or even walked weird so yet again he offered Joker his help. Appreciating the help from the drell, Jeff still couldn't help himself being frightened _and_ baffled of the giant buildings around them. He'd never been outside the Normandy when they visited Normandy and he kind regretted it.

Removing his eyes from the tall buildings he scanned the group. Jacob and Miranda seemed to enjoy their time together. It was kind of obvious that Miranda was chatting him up, but the drunk cerberus soldier could barely stand upright. Grunt was still laughing at Garrus' drunk ramblings whilst talking to Jill.

_Shepard._

She looked so at ease, so happy and relaxed. Her blonde hair was flailing in the wind and her blue eyes was glistering with happiness. Her laughter was intoxicating and he found himself feeling generally... Happy. Seeing her so... _Vivid,_ made him happy and a small smirk slowly snuck onto his face.

"I feel like shit.." Garrus complained, snapping Joker out of his thoughts.

"Turian, you always looked like shit!" Grunt snickered looking at his battlemaster. "I didn't feel a thing from those _'drinks', _ you'll never stand a chance next time around Shepard!"

"Hah, you wish!"

Garrus suddenly lost his balance when Grunt wasn't paying attention, crashing into the ledge which separated him from a 5'000 feet fall. At everyone's amusement, he emitted a grunt combined with a yelp. Hearing labored breaths beside him he looks at Thane, which seemed to limp a bit. The Kepral's Syndrome and the thin air of Nos Astra combined with alcohol really took its toll on the drell's body.

"You wanna wait here for a bit?" Joker asked, certainly concerned about the drell.

"Yes. Thank you." Krios said breathlessly as he helped Jeff to the nearest ledge. Figured he wanted to give the drell some time to recover, he turned to look on the impressive sight of the Asari capital. Joker put his hands on the ledge, his eyes still fixated on the amazing sight. He caught a glimpse of the height below him and the pilot felt a wave of nausea wash over him. He put his hands over his mouth to stop himself from throwing up. An upcoming wind caught him off guard, and with no way to stop himself from falling. He hit his head hard on the metallic floor, with a loud _'thunk'_. Stars circled in his vision and one last thought made through his head before he passed out;

_Note to self, height plus alcohol: _Not_ good._

* * *

Waking up with a throbbing headache, dry mouth and feeling generally shit isn't something Jeff Moreau was used to. He groaned as he put his hands over his eyes to protect them from the searing light in whatever room he was in...

_...wait, where the hell am I?_ he thought as suddenly remembering what had just happened. He let out another groan, this time putting his hands on his head trying to rub out the pain.

"Hey." a soft voice said somewhere next to him. "How are you holding up?"

He recognized the voice almost instantly.

"Jill... Oh _fuck_ my head." he said and wincing. "It feels like I've tried to out-drink Grunt and headbutted him..."

"Been there, done that, trust me!" she laughed. He forced his eyes open, looking around himself. He was in the medbay on the Normandy. He tried to get up, but all in vain, when what felt like hammer hit his head. He let out another sigh as he tried to focus his eyes on the woman next to him.

"How long was I out?" he sighed and leaned back.

"Not for long. Maybe an hour or two. You fell back and hit your head obviously." Shepard snickered, still amused by Joker's futile attempts at getting up. "Thane called me over and we carried you back here."

"Yeah, thanks." he whispered. "Just remember to remind me not to drink on a skyhigh city."

"Afraid of heights Lieutenant?" she said with a smugly face. "I thought you were a _good_ pilot."

"Hey! I saved all your asses, okay?" he said, while clasping at his heart in an attempt at looking hurt while Shepard laughed at him. "Now, help me up will ya? This handsome, and note, _awesome_ pilot needs some sleep."

Still laughing, she helped him up and headed for the crew's quarters. When they reached the door, Shepard slowly walked for the elevator.

"You know Jeff, you really need a shower." she said as she turned around, eying him. "You look like shit, and smell likewise."

"Hey! I take offense against that!" he said looking hurt. Jeff looked down at himself and concluded "But yeah, I probably do. Thanks for... well, everything."

"I'm taking a shower..." Shepard said as she leaned against the elevator in a suggestive manner. "Do you want to join me..?"

His mind went _completely_ blank. He repeated the words several times in his head while readjusting his cap several times.

"I uh... wow, wait..." he stammered and shifting uncomfortably. "Shit, I mean..."

She laughed and turned around, opening the elevator doors. "I'll take that as a yes then." She said and winked. "Don't keep me waiting..."

_Yep, she's definitely interested._

* * *

Did I go too fast? Something to change? Please, please reviews, good or bad, doesn't matter, I want them anyway!


	4. The Reward

Sorry for the delay. Word of warning: this chapter contains a lot of mature content. In fact, it is a 100% lemon chapter, as I promised before. I thought it was extremely hard to write longer pieces about male fallatio. Women have _so_ many buttons you can press (lovely :D), whilst men have one or two. Maybe three, depending on what they're "into". :/

Nevertheless, the faithful reader; I hope you will enjoy it!

* * *

**Chapter VI - The Reward**

Thoughts raced through Joker's head as he trembled in the elevator. It's been a long time since Joker got this kind of suggestion and normally he would turn it down due to his fragile body. He was sure as hell not turning down this one. Jill was something _different_, something unique. A sane man wouldn't turn her down, unless they wanted to keep their head in the right place. If he wasn't careful, he'd probably snap his.

_God damn slow elevators_, he thought as the elevator doors finally opened, revealing the small corridor to the Commander's room. He exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself and reached for the green holo on Shepard's door. His fingers trembled ever so slightly. Right before his fingers connected with the holographic display, the door slid open; revealing Jill standing in a suggestive pose. She examined him slowly from tip to toe with a coy expression.

Just as Jeff opened his mouth to say something, he was interrupted by a sudden arm pulling him inside and the next thing he knew, his lips was pressed against hers. A small moan escaped him as his eyes rolled back in his head, but was muffled by the softness pressing against him. She broke the kiss and peered up at him with a suggestive smile.

"Enjoying yourself, Lieutenant?" she murmured when she ran her hand through his hair.

"Not quite as much as I'd like." Joker replied as he explored her back with his hands.

She laughed, "What are you implying, Mr. Moreau?" Jill said, her voice dripping with seductiveness. Transfixed by her moving mouth, he ran his tongue against his lips seeking hers. She laughed and started pushing him away. Jeff groaned, much to his displeasure.

"Now, about that shower..." she begun, biting her lower lip and started nipping at the edges of his tight shirt. "I think we both deserve it..."

Happy to comply, he grabbed for the edges of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Considering his condition, Jeff was quite proud of his muscular upper body. He couldn't keep his legs in a good shape, so he kept _everything else _in top trim. She ran her hands up his well trained chest, looking almost hypnotized as the muscles responded to her soft touch. Her nimble fingers exploring Joker's chest felt like electricity against his skin.

"Hey." he said breathlessly, taking her chin under his fingers. "Up here."

Snapping out of her hypnosis she laughed and peered at him. "Get undressed, _Soldier._" she said, still running her hands against his muscles, giving him goosebumps. "That's an order."

"What if I don't obey, Commander?" he answered playfully.

"Then you'll have to deal with the _consequences._" Shepard growled and bit her lip. "You got 30 seconds to undress."

He couldn't help but to smile.

"Aye aye, Commander!" he said as he knocked off a quick salute, rewarded with a chuckle from her. She pulled off her shirt and dropped it on the floor as she opened the door to the toilet. "20 seconds left, Lieutenant..." she stated and closed the door.

Joker was convinced he just beat the universal record in undressing as he entered the shower.

* * *

Upon his entry, he was rewarded by Shepard in her naked glory, except for her bra and lingerie. Those _awesome_ hips of hers, Jill's glistering blonde hair, which was no longer restrained by the hair knot and _god, _those legs_. _Everything he'd ever wanted was right in front of him. Right here, right now. He swallowed his doubts and approached her, putting his hands on her hips. She gasped loudly and whimpered as he started kissing her throat, softly and slowly. She ran her hands on along his cheek, her breath becoming ragged as his mouth traveled along her neck. Her skin felt so _incredibly_ soft when he explored her curves with his hands, but he knew otherwise; the strength beneath it was incredible. She reached for his hand and slowly put it on her still dressed breast. Joker's eyes widened and his kisses stopped abruptly, wanting to make sure she really wanted this.

When she squirmed and mewled, it was all the inspiration he needed. Joker started massaging her supple breasts, while he continued nipping and kissing her throat. When moans started escaping her lips, she turned around and kissed him deep and passionate. He opened his mouth slightly to let through his tongue and poked lightly at her lips. Almost immediately, her tongue darted out and met his. Taken aback by her nimble tongue, he bit Shepard's lower lip slightly. Jill was clearly an experienced kisser.

"You're amazing..." he whispered when they broke their passionate kiss. Jill hummed rewardingly at him.

She smiled smugly while grinding her legs against his. "What happened to - _oh_ - the cocky - _mmh_ - Joker?" she managed to say when Jeff ran his mouth along her collarbone.

"Temporarily - _kiss_ - suspended."

He backed her up against the wall and let his kisses travel down her body. When he reached Jill's breasts he peered up. She beamed down at him with her blue eyes; the lust he found in them were breathtaking. She motioned with her mouth _'let me help you with that'_.

Her bra snapped off and she swiftly threw it aside. Examining her reactions, Jeff carefully placed one of his hands over her erect nipple whilst tracing his tongue between her breasts. Rewarded by her short gasps and moans, he started massaging and rolling her nipple; sometimes pinching it ever so slightly. Her arousing gasps and muffled moans had their effect on him, the hardness in his white boxers needed attention very soon, but he refused to stop until she was content. He ran his right hand down her legs and carefully started sucking her nipple. He experimented with his tongue, teeth, sucking and his hands. She gasped as he bit carefully and let his tongue circle its stiffness. When Jeff swapped breasts and repeated his actions, she threw her head back and let out a loud moan.

Feeling bolder, Joker kissed his way down to her abdomen and slowly got down to his knees, careful not to snap anything. Jill's breath caught in her throat as he started pulling down her white undergarment, but painfully slow just to tease her a bit more. As he thought, her patch appeared to be the same golden shade as her hair. When the lingerie finally fell to the floor, he ran his index finger slowly through the patch of hair, marveling at Shepard's shivering reaction. Not stopping his finger as it slid downwards, he traced over her damp core; this time rewarded by a drawn out moan. Jill put her hand on Jeff's cheek, looking down at him with that smile which drove him crazy. He turned his head and kissed her palm. As he slowly rose up to his feet again, he covered the length of her arm with kisses. When the lieutenant reached the commander's face, he kissed her throat so incredibly softly; drawing a long sigh from her. Eager to taste her mouth again, he took her head and pressed her lips tenderly against his. Once again, their tongues danced.

"You know, it's been quite some time since this even crossed my mind." she murmured when they broke the kiss. Biting her lower lip she whispered in his ear: "...and I like it."

"I just hope it'll be worth it..." Jeff teased as he ran his tongue against her neck.

"What are you implying?" she whispered.

"I'll show you..." he replied.

One of Joker's hands slid up to her breasts and started utilizing the same tactics as he developed before. He could actually feel her legs giving away slightly from sheer pleasure. Using his mouth, once again he kissed his way down to her abdomen _very _softly. Before reaching her core, he decided teasing her just a bit more; biting her inner thigh slightly, breathing at her slit. Doing so made her growl at him but before she could recover, he took her by surprise; Jill moaned loudly as Jeff darted out with his tongue. He ran it along her lower lips, tasting her nectar and still massaging her breasts. When Joker started sucking her clitoris, pure ecstasy seemed crash down on Shepard.

"Oooh-h, fuck!" she gasped as his tongue slithered between her warm and soft insides. Her internal muscles seemed to suck it inside.

She threw her head and gasped his name as her entire body shook violently several times. Shepard pressed herself against the wall behind her, gripping at everything within reach. As her moans became gasps and the waves of pleasure subsided, Jill took his head between her palms and helped him back on his feet. Her body now had a thin layer of sweat, making her body glister in the dim light. With their bodies glued together they stood with forehead against forehead as her breathing slowed down to a normal rate.

"..so?" he whispered. "Did you like it?"

She laughed softly. "Jeff, it was the best _god damn_ orgasm in my life." she said as her hands ran over his muscular back. "Weren't we supposed to take a shower..?"

Joker stripped himself of his boxers and threw them aside, revealing his hard member. Jill's reaction was priceless.

"And they told me you were a _cripple!_" she gasped.

_+1 point to Joker!_

He smiled and kissed her lightly, this time letting her take control. Being a commander, Shepard instantly saw the opportunity and took it, spinning him around and pressing him against the wall. Not wasting any more time, she returned his kiss more deeply as she caressed his chest and abdomen. Sometimes she let her hands run a _little_ too close to his groin, drawing groans from him. Enjoying her soft hands exploring his upper body, he closed his eyes in an attempt to savior the moment. Jill broke their kiss and suddenly she was traveling down his chest. Jeff shivered and his muscles twitched involuntary when her tongue and lips ran between them.

_Holy shit, this girl _certainly_ knows how to kiss._

Joker drew a deep breath and jerked a bit as he felt her hand enclose him tenderly and carefully. This time, her kisses traveled along his length.

"Oh, _fuck_, it's been a while." he said hoarsely as she placed her mouth over the head, tongue swirling ever so slightly. Joker closed his eyes and moaned as he felt her soft, wet mouth slide over him. Her tongue swirled around him as she sucked gently. She was so incredibly slow, equally as soft and careful. It was a totally new experience for Joker. Her small, but soft hands ran up and down his length, each time making Joker gasp. Feeling close to his edge, he croaked;

"Stop."

She stopped reluctantly, looking up at him with questioning eyes

"You're... erhm... _multiorgasmic_, I'm not." he explained. Catching his drift, she just smiled _in that way_.

_Fuck, this girl's gonna be my death._

Teasing him one last time, she kissed his hard member, causing him to shiver visibly. Chuckling, she rose to her feet and kissed him lightly. Her stiff nipples felt awesome against his chest as she grinded her body against his. She reached for the shower controls and turned on the water. The shower head came to life, spraying the duo with water. It was cold at first, but they did not pay attention to it as they pressed their hot bodies together. Once again their tongues danced. His hands massaging her breasts, making her moan into his mouth and her hand on his rod, stroking it with precise and soft movements.

As Jeff opened his eyes, he saw Shepard in a way he never thought was possible. She was so incredibly beautiful; her blonde hair clung to her wet body and Shepard's curves seemed to be enhanced by the water flowing down her body. The passionate smile on Jill's face, her supple lips seeking his with pure _undeniable_ want. What he saw in her deep blue eyes surpassed anything he'd seen before. Joker had visited the city of Nos Astra, seen so many great nebulas in various colors. He had been at Feros, Eden Prime and numerous other incredible sights, but these eyes; gleaming back at him with so much passion and love, caused his breath to catch in his throat.

"Something wrong?" she whispered.

"No." he answered. "You're just so - _kiss_ - incredibly - _kiss_ - beautiful..."

Her only response was a throaty purr and nuzzling her nose in his neck as she pressed against him. He slowly turned her, putting her back against the wall. His and Jill's hands ran over their wet bodies, memorizing the feel of their skin against each other. As they pressed their bodies together, Jeff's hard member pressed against her abdomen. Joker was sure he was going insane - From her stunning beauty? From her incredible body? - He didn't know and he didn't care, all of his attention was directed at _her_. She pushed him away slightly and with one swift movement, she lifted her leg and gently placed it on his left shoulder.

_Holy shit, the_ flexibility!

Catching the drift, he leaned forward and gave her a deep kiss as he pressed against her moist core. She closed her eyes as they kissed, moaning from the pressure against her groin.

"Look at me." he whispered as they broke their kiss. As she opened her eyes he moved his hips forward slightly, making her bite her lip.

"Dear god _yes..._" was her only response. Transfixed by her reactions, he kept his eyes focused on her, intending to memorize her reactions. This time, he didn't stop his hips. Still gazing into her eyes, he slid into her completely. Doing so made his knees weak; he had to put a hand on the wall to keep himself from falling over. Jeff moaned hoarsely, his breath becoming ragged.

_So warm. So moist. So incredibly soft._

Before his eyes, Jill was melting. Her mouth formed unsaid words and her eyes fluttered out of pure bliss. She was shaking ever so slightly and slowly he pulled out, her muscles clenching him tightly. Joker's senses were too overwhelmed of _her_ for him to even notice his brittleness. Equally as gently and slow, he pushed inside her and once again her muscles worked against him. This was a completely new sensation for Jeff Moreau, this slow pace seemed to enhance every feeling.

"Jeff..." she moaned, still having difficulties to remain her focus on his eyes. Every time he pushed in her breath caught in her throat. Looking at his lover, Joker felt something he never felt before. Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau felt... completion. He felt _whole_. That missing piece of him, that he'd made up with his wittiness and sarcasm over his entire life was put into place. _It fit perfectly._

Jeff was close to his edge, but he was determined to _not_ leave her unsatisfied. He leaned down and kissed her with renewed strength as he picked up his pace ever so slightly. With her eyes closed, she moaned into his mouth. Looking at her, he understood that she was close as well. With an almost furious movement he pushed deep within her, she gasped loudly and sprung her eyes open. Responding to his aggression, she angled her hips for an easier entrance. Jill moaned loudly as he filled her completely. They pressed their lips hard together and with one last stroke, the duo came simultaneously. Stars exploded before Joker's eyes as the ecstasy surged throughout his body. She screamed his name and clawed at his back, sending pain up his spine; only making the pleasure sweeter. He continued his thrusting, riding out the orgasm they had just experienced.

No words were said, for none needed to be. He pulled out and pressed his wet body against hers and kissed her. Shepard shuddered at his touch, her senses still overwhelmed by the pleasure she had felt. Jeff turned off the hot water, still caressing her face as he kissed her. He broke the kiss and gave her the best smile he could muster, but due to his exhaustion, it came out pretty lame. Jill mewled as the cold air hit them, clinging onto him as if he was the last bit oxygen in the galaxy. He reached for two towels and wrapped them around himself and his lover. Still hugging her, he opened the bathroom door and slowly made their way over to her bed. Joker fell on the bed with a loud '_thump'_, closely followed by Shepard. She snuggled close to him and put her head on his chest as he pulled the cover over them and hugged her close. Stealing once last glance, he looked at the incredible beauty lying close. He loved her, as she loved him.

_Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau and Commander Jill Shepard slowly faded into a deep dreamless sleep..._

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AH, finally finished. Now feed me with reviews! Also, I'm probably going to write a piece about what happens after ME2, keeping it as logical as I can. But, Shepard's romance is up to you! Jack? Miranda? Tali? Ashley? Perhaps even Kelly _(please god no)_! Include that in your review and I'll see who wins!


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